Transitions

When Clay came home, we both knew it would be an adjustment period for all of us.

You have a person in your family gone for 7 1/2 months and expect everything to be the same when they get back.  Especially when they were gone off to war.  I asked around with some of my army friends, read some about what to expect, and we talked about things but we still have some rough days.

There were times it was hard for me to remember to back off and not take charge of family meetings, call on people for prayers, etc.   There were times it was hard feeling like he was following me around, even if I was glad he was there.  I kind of got used to having some of my own time after the kids went to bed.  It's been hard for Christina to not be part of every conversation and to talk to Clay instead.

Even after him being home for 3 months, most days Samantha still asks where Daddy is.  The kids all get so excited still when he comes home from work every day.

As for Clay, he's had an easier time adjusting I think than I have.  :)  Personally, I think it's because he's the one that left to a completely different lifestyle.  My life was supposed to carry on the same but it couldn't.  And I can't go back to who I was back then either.  We've both changed.  How can you not?  I've seen a little PTSD.  It still gets him once and a while.  The first week he was home, he woke up a few times at night, once even sat up and didn't remember it the next day.  It's hard when people laugh when things make him jump or stop dead in his tracks.  He can't help it.  It doesn't happen very often but certain sounds get to him.  One common kid toy, got put up for now in our house and I'm nervous about the 4th of July next year.  We may skip the fireworks again.  They got to me enough this year.

I feel like I need to be with him to protect him from others (mostly to explain and make sure they don't make light of it) and hold his hand when those times happen.  It sounds weird to even write this.  He's a grown man.  He reminds himself everything is okay, and we're back to our new life.  He's doing great.  It just makes me want to cry to see things get to him at all but I'm grateful he talks to me about this.  He told me he dreams military dreams often now or he doesn't remember anything at all when he wakes up.

We've had absolutely wonderful days since he's been back and some that have been not so wonderful but we're taking it a day at a time, talking more, and finding our new normal now.  I don't know how families make it through many multiple deployments.  I recently heard of someone who's been through 14.  That's crazy.  I'm grateful the army is shortening them and trying to increase the dwell time at home but it's definitely hard on families, regardless of the length away.

So, we'll keep pushing forward.  I'm grateful that we're both committed to each other and to our marriage.so we'll make it and know that tomorrow's a new day to work a little harder and draw a little closer.