Getting Ready

I have been putting this post off for a while now and I'm not sure why.  I can't believe this pregnancy is almost over.  The little guy has dropped now and will be here pretty soon.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this.  I know I'm pregnant, that's pretty obvious just by looking at me (just ask any stranger who loves to act shocked when I tell them I still have a bit to go) but somehow, I'm still adjusting in my head that I am pregnant with #6 and this is it.

Will I really be able to remember what it feels like to be pregnant?  I know it's definitely had its moments with all the other chaos that has been happening in our lives, but some times I do have moments when I am in awe that there really is another one inside of me.  Will I remember what it feels like to watch my belly dance and move on its own accord?  Will I remember how amazing it feels at times to feel him kicking inside of me?  

I can blame all this on hormones, right?  I feel like this pregnancy has kind of gotten away from me.  Not the calmer pregnancy I envisioned, but what is calm anyway?  Some days I get worried that the reality of everything is going to hit me like a ton of bricks.  Some days I feel much more hope that things will get better for our family.  Other days, it feels like I just go through the motions taking care of them the best I can that day.  I hope my children won't remember me like this forever.

Since getting back from NTC, Clay's had to work late almost every night.  Last night he didn't get home until almost 9:30 pm.  He's stressed out with the leadership in his unit which makes me nervous.  We're still trying to be hopeful that the school will call and let us have a spot, but the wait list is not moving nearly as much as it has in past years.  Last we heard, they only have pulled 9 off the list instead of the usual 25-30.  

We're trying to hold on to that hope, but the reality is that we need to start preparing for a deployment.  His bag got packed in the connex for Iraq yesterday.  We haven't really had the talk with our kids yet, don't want to.  It's not that I'm afraid of him going off to war or of what the "enemy" might do.  I am very concerned about his unit and the lack of the leadership there.  Tensions are very high that Clay has voiced his concerns of what they will do to each other once they get over there.  Some of his leadership has been changed and "fired" at the beginning of NTC when others observed what was going on but it hasn't changed enough.  But I feel like my hands are tied so I'm trying to trust the Lord that whatever is best for our family will happen.  I would prefer a miracle, but it's not mine to choose.

I'm trying to get ready for the baby coming as much as I can.  I finally got around to washing the baby clothes we had saved from Jonathan & Daniel.  I've started packing a bag and trying to put a little food in the freezer we have (I really miss my stand alone freezer right now).  Praying the baby will get here soon and safely so we can have some family time if we do have to be separated.