Life can be pretty tough some days. I'm trying to focus on what is really important right now, raising five kids and trying to provide for their needs the best I can. Some days this is a little easier to remember than others.
I arrived home on Tuesday morning and tried to listen to all their excitement even though I really just wanted to climb in bed and cry. I still have a backpack I haven't unpacked. I just want to get back on a plane and be with Clay. I miss him. I did get myself together enough on Friday to get my closet cleaned out and painted.
Some days it's hard remembering that this is what the Lord wants for us right now. I know this is making us all stronger in so many ways. I have to admit that when he left, I wasn't sure that I could do this, or rather I had no idea how I was going to be able to do this. I don't know if I still understand how I'm doing this. I just am grateful for each day that I have to try a little harder than the last. I've been thinking a lot lately about things that have changed since we've been separated. So here's my poor attempt at some of the things I am grateful for experiencing right now.
I'm grateful for repentance.
I'm grateful to realize that each moment I have with my husband is a moment not to be taken for granted. Of all the relationships we have in this life, our relationship with our spouse is the only one we get to choose in this life that we will be eternally tied to. We don't choose our parents, siblings, children, or other family members but we get to choose our spouses. Pretty powerful when I stop and think about where we were when we first met and where I feel like we are today.
I'm grateful to recognize all the ways in which Clay and I need each other. Amazing how many of these we took for granted before.
I'm grateful for the improved relationship with his family.
I'm grateful for children who give me big hugs and smiles and laughter when I just want to cry inside.
I'm grateful for the joy and wonderment and faith of our children.
I'm grateful for being home with my children.
I'm grateful for watching my children learn to help one another more.
I'm grateful for wonderful friends, both far and near, for being there to help us in more ways than I could say.
I'm grateful for the promptings of the Holy Ghost, both for the promptings I have received as well as for the promptings he's given others on our behalf.
I'm grateful for technology. We've finally been able to video chat today so the kids could see their dad again. Sure beats the reel to reel communication my grandparents had during their long separation during the Korean War (14 months, I think).
I'm grateful for the power of the priesthood, especially for the priesthood blessings my wonderful husband was able to leave with our children, myself, and our home before he left the first time.
I'm grateful for the blessing of comfort Clay was able to give me in the parking lot before we said goodbye again. It helped so much to get through the pains of grief and loss.
I'm grateful for friends who hug.
I'm grateful for eternal families.
I'm grateful for the strength I've given that wasn't my own to make through yet another day.
I'm grateful for the Book of Mormon and for the strength that you can receive by reading that wonderful book every day.
I'm grateful for love and the power that love can change a person forever.
I'm grateful for faith and hope. For fasting, prayer, and patriarchal blessings.
I'm grateful for testimonies and the sharing of testimonies.
I'm grateful for the gospel and the peace it brings into our lives.
I'm grateful for change and knowing this won't last forever.
I know that I could go on forever. I do feel so blessed. This isn't the easiest thing in the world, but I'm doing it. I'm doing it not alone. I know He is there everyday and every step of the way.
A couple of weeks ago, I faxed all of Clay's transcripts, resume, etc. over to a Captain who is over the education department. He has since faxed it all over to a person he knows in the recruiting office for medical officers. Apparently there was another way to do this but not the path we were supposed to take at the time. We tried calling everyone we could so I know there must be a reason things are happening the way they are. We're anxiously awaiting to hear what they can do now to get him over to the officer's side of the army. Clay's been told that he's too over qualified for the PA program, they'll probably make him go to medical school. At least we can be together longer that way, we hope. The deployments for medical doctors are usually only 6 months, compared to the 12-15 month deployments for most people.
Hopefully we'll hear something in the next few days. We've fasted today and keeping all our fingers and toes crossed that we might be led to a better path. Hopefully our version of a better path is close to what Heavenly Father's version is. Time and faith until then.
1 comment:
Thanks for sharing. What a great example of "when life gives your limes, make lemonade" (did I spell that right?
Hang in there at day at the time, that is all it takes. As for the backpack, unless there is food in there, leave it alone, when David is gone, I wear his Pj's,it just makes me feel better ;-)
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