Saying goodbye

Monday, the 17th was my birthday. It was nice to be able to talk to almost all of my siblings. We stayed home most of the day, watched movies, and played games. I was most grateful that Clay was still here.

Then the 18th came. Time to say see you later again.

I think this is one of the hardest things to do. Especially over and over again. I have to admit that when we got married, I didn't know this would be part of my life. I didn't know that I would be left so often, our future so unknown, or that I would be taking care and raising 6 children often by myself. Good thing I didn't know that then. I only do this now because I love him enough to let him go and I love our Heavenly Father and the covenants I have made with them.

Luckily, the kids had the day off (and the day before) so we were able to spend even more time together as a family. We finished packing his bags and finishing what we could of the detailed stuff that needs to be done while he is gone. We headed to main post just after 3 pm to drop him off. And I cried.

His commanders were very vague about the details of what was to happen that night. He had to go "draw" his weapon from the weapons room. Then it sank in for most of the kids and all the questions began. They've never seen Daddy carry around a gun like that before. They had fun running around the grass and playing tag.

I left with Ethan for a bit to run over and get some food for the kids. We stayed outside for quite a while until he was to go in to a building for a meeting. Then we found out that they had pizza in there for the soldiers and families.

They gave the kids all "daddy dolls." I'll write more on those later. It was hard for all of us to say goodbye. He is such a great daddy. He helped me get all the kids into the car before he had to leave and get onto the bus. It was a little better saying goodbye this time than we left almost 2 years ago. I guess I feel like we've come much closer together and know what the other one needed to hear. But it still isn't easy and there were lots of tears.

I couldn't help to remember what that day was like and all the similarities between the two days. Both were the 18th day of the month, Samantha's first birthday had been just two days before, this time the day after mine. I have a little one still nursing

and needing me a lot, and me needing it too. The hardest part is not knowing for sure when we will be allowed to talk again.

I got home, got the kids to bed (school tomorrow) and then he texted me to let me know they had boarded the plane. So I got Christina out of bed (neither one of us could sleep) and we watched the plane leave from our bedroom since we are close to the airport. Hopefully we'll be able to watch a plane landing, bringing him home in a few months. I really don't understand how some people get used to this.